My ideal family
Statistics from the last years doubtlessly shows us, that we are in a time of familiar change. The big families are disappearing and the number of traditional families is decreasing. When we have a look at the permanently growing number of childless couples or couples with only one child, we see that the definition of the traditional family is in change. But is the traditional family always an ideal family?
In the following text I will talk about my opinion of an ideal family and I will have a look at the importance of families in society.
It’s not that easy to define the setup of an ideal family. According to statistics such a family would consist of mother, father and 2,1 children, one son and one daughter. If you ask me, families with four children is much better than the traditional. But not all of them are good. For example, if there are four daughters in a family the father is in minority. There should always be a balance between male and female family members. The reason, why a bigger family is better is simple. Children need bothers or sisters to play with, especially in younger age. It’s really important that they somebody to talk to beside their parents. Like in a traditional family the father has a full-time job whereas the mother is at home and cares for the children. When these are older the mother might has a part-time job.
Strong families are also very important for society. People have it easier in life if they have a family which helps you in every case and on which you can trust. Most of the criminal people come from “problem families” with bad solidarity, poor communication and often even violence. Children out of such families will most likely have no graduation, no job and if they will have their own family once they will also turn into bad parents. These facts prove the importance of family, not only in this aspect but also in every aspect in life.
To conclude, the ideas of the ideal family are divided. Nobody knows which type of family is the best and most ideal. But what we know is that more people do not want to have a family. Maybe it is just because in these days society career is much more important and that let’s people simple no time for a family.
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g: statistics (plural word + singular verb): statistics show us that
exp: familiar = bekannt bzw. das Tier, das z. B. Hexen als Begleiter haben
exp: the definition of what is a family is changing
g: consist of a father, a mother and 2.1 children (2 'point' 1, 2 'Komma' 1 in German)
g: families with 4 children are ...
g: especially at a younger age
str: it's important that they have someone to talk to
g/exp: the mother could take up (have) a part-time job
[Paragraph 1: You don't really explain the ideal family well. You give quite some information, but you don't convey why this is important. Your only reasons are that they should have someone to talk to and play with. That's not really convincing.]
exp: "also" very important --> You change the topic here, but 'also' suggests that you're continuing an argument.
exp: People have an easier life ...
g/exp: they have a family which helps them .. and which they can depend on.
exp: Children from such families ...
exp: ... and when they have their own family once, they will ...
[Paragraph 2: Here your argumentation is much better. The introduction to the paragraph is not quite correct, however.]
exp: To conclude, we have different ideas of the ideal family (--> this may be correct, but you don't really discuss this in your essay and so it's not a good sentence in the conclusion.)
In an opinion essay you must restate your own opinion because it's your aim to convince the reader. You don't do this here. So your conclusion is wrong for this text type.
exp: nowadays and in our society career is more important and so people have less time for ...
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